Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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