I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
