If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
