i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
