my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
