pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
