I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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