hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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