You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize