I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
