My room smells like vodka and shame
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
