i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
