just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
