We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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