Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
