Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
