If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
