I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
