So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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