The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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