this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
