I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
