how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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