Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
