Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize