Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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