You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
