We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
