Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish you could order shots online.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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