Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
