if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
