hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I love having hate sex.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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