boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
