Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize