Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
God I need to hump something, right now.
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