I cut my penus on the lid.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
