so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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