You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
