dude i'm inner monologue high
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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