If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
try to milk me bitch
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
