All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
