The maid of honor just puked.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize