if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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