It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
