I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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