i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
