Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
