I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
