If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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