Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize