I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
