So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
