so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
