Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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