I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
