I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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