I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
