and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
