just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
