I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
