I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
