Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
