He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
