I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
