I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
