I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Less talking, more tequila
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
