I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
