Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Randomize
