shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
