my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
