I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
