i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize