And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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